They Are Just Acting: Bunyala Officially Rates Rival Succession as Community Theatre

By Staff Writer

In Bunyala, Kayunga District, a section of the family of Ssabanyala Maj (Rtd) Baker Kimeze Byarufu II decided the current reign had gone on long enough. They organised a succession exercise, selected a new cultural leader, and waited for history to notice them.

History, it turned out, was busy. 

The Bunyala Cultural Institution watched the entire production from a safe distance, then released a statement of surgical cruelty:

“They are just acting,” said spokesperson Samuel Bukenya, “and we are treating their acts as mere drama.”

In the official language of Ugandan cultural institutions, “mere drama” is the nuclear option of dismissals. It is the polite equivalent of saying, “Thank you for your energetic performance. Please collect your props and exit stage left.”

According to the institution, the family had committed the cardinal sin of modern succession theatre: they forgot to invite the clan leaders. Without the required clan participation, the whole exercise was instantly reclassified from “legitimate cultural process” to “amateur dramatic society production with incomplete casting.”

One imagines the breakaway faction rehearsing their announcement in front of a mirror, perfecting their solemn expressions, only to discover on opening night that the official critics had already left a one-star review and gone home.

No soldiers arrived to secure any perimeter. No 21-member committee materialised under armed guard. No Queen Mother alleged house arrest. Bunyala simply looked at the rival claim, tilted its collective head, and filed it under “community theatre — do not resuscitate.”

There is a beautiful efficiency to this approach. While other kingdoms turn succession into full-scale security operations complete with restricted visiting hours, Bunyala has perfected the art of the cultural eye-roll. The current Ssabanyala remains on the throne, presumably sipping tea and wondering why part of his family has started a travelling repertory company without consulting the board.

The family may still believe they crowned a new leader. The cultural institution has already moved the entire episode to the “light entertainment” section of the archives and ordered fresh popcorn.

In Bunyala, custom has discovered its most powerful weapon yet: the ability to treat a succession challenge as a slightly embarrassing school play that ran for one night only and will never be spoken of again.